Insights and Lessons

Experience is a hard teacher, because she gives the test first,the lesson afterwards。

　Having come back from Beijing for two months, I was still haunted by the Outlook English Competition scenes. Every time I went the the English Corner,there were always a group of people around,asking me about that competition,which made me sick in some ways. I knew this was totally irrational,after all, I was put on TV, watched by people around this nation,and granted with publicity and fame. But deep down in my heart, there was a strong sense of underachievement. Life was just about perfect, I told myself,feeling immensely resentful that fate had been so cruel to me,when I was kicked out in the national final round. Failing to be entitled national champion posed a horrible shadow in my mind.
The feeling of guilty and inferiority dragged on, and the paralysis in my work grew worse. The redemption time came when one of my friends asked me"what do you learn from this competition?What are your motives of taking part in it?". My first reaction was purely defensive. This competition totally sucks and there is nothing wrong with my motives, I want to be successfu-who doesn't? I wanna continue the champion title which I won in Sichuan. He was speechless then. But, later,said a small voice somewhere in my head, maybe those motives aren't good enough,and that's why the wheels have stopped going around. In retrospect, I did learn a lot from the competition, which should be the biggest reward I've ever gotten. Bearing this thought,I began to reexam the whole process. Indeed, I didn't leave Beijing empty handed. It is the overcoming of fear that has the most profound impact on me.
I have shown great courage in the whole journey. Courage is resistance of fear, mastery of fear-not absence of fear. In fact, onstage I found myself unable to concentrate on the lines, I hesitated and stammered,for an instant, as panic mounted in me, I was even tempted to turn and run away. But there is one echo in my ear:Don't be afraid to be afraid.Each word I spoke on the stage was anguish.But finally I conquered fear;I had simply admitted it and gone on despite it.